Writing Example

NOTES: I changed all present tense verbs to past tense for continuity and because everything happened in the past. “Jennifer is a great tutor” could be in present tense because she, as a person, is a great tutor or in past tense because when you worked with her, she was a great tutor. The same is true for “she makes learning English very fun” and “She is very patient and experienced”.

-for “just learned”, I suggest removing “just” since the meaning is similar to only. Also, in this context, “just” minimalizes what your daughters already knew. I originally wanted to suggest “‘had’ learned”, but “knew” is a more precise verb.

-for “having new life in”, I suggest “going to” as it is more precise. The reader would also think having a new life meant that your daughters would be permanently living in America.  

I don’t understand the use of  “get along in school”. For me, it could mean to exist in peace with other people. Ex. My daughters get along every day. It could also mean the older use to live or survive. Ex. Even though my dad always cooked, my mom gets along fine without him. 

I removed the comma after “to get along” because the comma cuts off the subject, Jennifer, from the verb “shared”. Ex. “Jennifer encouraged them to get along in school and Jennifer shared with them…”

-for “shared them”, with is essential because you share something with someone. 

-for “list of her”,  “of” would mean a list consisting of different handwritings. Ex. The list of groceries had apples, persimmons, and popcorn. In means to be of something. Ex. I wrote the list in blue ink or I wrote the list in my own handwriting. 

-for U.S.(United States), the is used before the U.S. as the United States is plural. This is true for other nations with plural names: the Phillipines, theUnited Kingdom. Nations that are not plural in nature like the United Kingdom, do not use the: Canada, South Africa, Mali, Peru, India, etc. The is also used with full names of nations like the Dominion of Canada.

I received permission to both edit this review and use it as an example. For this, I am extremely grateful to the reviewer and have removed her name out of respect.